Yay!!!

so we're broke...really really broke. Why am I happy? Because Steve has no money for cigarettes and he's quitting smoking. He said he had none at work last night. He pretty much came home and went to bed shortly there after. I guess hes trying to sleep through some of it. Anyways it's really hard to quit so i'd appreciate any prayers or positive energy anyone wants to send his way for strength.

Family

So many people take family for granted. Blood is thicker than water and all that. Well what if you are adopted? I reconnected with my birthparents when I was 18. My birthmother and I have kept up, but my relationship with my birthfather was more rocky. I lost touch with him and then reconnected when I had tana. When I went into wernersville we lost touch again. I spent 2 years searching the internet trying to find a trace of him... I found him when I read his obit in the paper. I went to the funeral and his wife almost threw me out because "I broke his heart" when I disappeared. However a brother I had never met wanted to keep in touch. He called me once a couple months after the funeral and planned a visit. He never came and I never heard from him again. Recently I saw he had added me on his Yahoo messenger. I don' t know whether it was an accident or not, but I copied the email and saved it in my contacts. I was hoping he was going to contact me but I never saw him online so I fearfully wrote him an email. Those of you who know me, know I don't deal with rejection well. So i just wrote a short note saying "hey i had another baby, hope i didn't offend somehow, how are you"

TODAY HE WROTE BACK!!! So 1. I know he is safe. With him being in the navy I was always kinda fearful something had happened to him. 2. He isn't mad at me Just his life kinda fell apart around that time and he's been focused on his job to deal with it.

So I wrote to him again and included some recent pics of the girls this time. Told him we'd still love for him to be in our lives if he'd like to be, but would understand if that was something he just couldn't handle right now. So anyways that is my excellent news for the day, a great way to start it off.

Medication and Dizziness

So I don't know how much of the dizziness is from meds and how much is from the inner ear issue. It's definitely gotten worse in the last week. Before it was intermittent and just annoying. now it is almost all the time with spells that are so bad I can't move. I've tried moving my meds around as to what time I take them and that hasn't seemed to make a difference. tonight i am going to stop the straterra and if im not feeling better in a few days i'll stop the abilify. Atleast till i get to see a specialist and get everything figured out. I think it will make it easier to pinpoint the problem.

My Birthday

So despite totally stressing myself out I did manage to have a nice bday yesterday. The house looked decent. No one showed until around 5 or 5:30 and then it seemed everyone was there all at once. It was really great to see everyone though and thank you to those that showed up. The kids had fun, first with some video games and then chasing after eachother with water guns. Yeah i got squirted a couple times. but it was great to see the kids having so much fun. Kit took off her clothes and ran around being just cute in general, and i got a chance to sit down and talk with everyone for awhile. I also managed to book two partyLite shows.

Happy Birthday to me

I am officially 29, or will be around 2 this afternoon. I don't know why I felt the need to stress myself out by deciding to throw myself a party. Last weekend no one had called yet to see what i was doing or ask me to lunch or anything. I don't really care about presents, but I do like to get to see my friends and family on my birthday. So I decided to throw a little drop in party. I guess I expected Steve to actually help clean the house considering my health as of late and the fact that it's MY BIRTHDAY. He spent all week looking a bmx bikes online till last night. Last night he piled everything in the living room on the couch and vaccuumed and dusted the big tv. I seriously have so much left to do and don't feel like i can get it done with the dizzy spells and all. Tana has actually been a pretty big help. She even mopped the kitchen last night. so anyways I guess i'm off to go clean and try to get ready for tonight.

Rough Day

So I got to walmart thinking i have a couple hundred dollars in my bank account. Get $112 worth of stuff and my card is declined. Call the bank and i only have $100 so am worried about where $100 went but take off enough stuff to be under $100. Card is declined again. Go to call back the bank and realized i had to dial 411 the first time cause the number on the back of the card is no good. Was already in a full blown panic attack and almost fainted at that point. Run the card again as debit it works. Not really sure how i got home. Look at the bank account and there's only $10 left. I don't see the electric coming out, don't see cable or phone. Have another full blown panic attack, and wake steve up crying that I don't know how i screwed things up so bad. He reminds me that i paid those bills out of MY account not the joint one....oops.

Then i get a call back from the dr tonight. I should not still be having dizzy spells so i have to see a specialist. Lets hope my insurance covers this and that it is something simple to fix.