Hysterectomy woes

So I never post anything, and when I start to I often delete.  Afraid to let the world in on the crazy I keep hidden. lol   Anyways here I am 3 1/2 weeks out from a hysterectomy, mostly recovered I guess.  I get fibro flares from the surgery and some days it's hard to tell what is from a flare and what is from  overdoing it.  So I am clear of the migraine that plagued me for 6 months and lead to the surgery in the first place.  For this I am grateful.  My deepest fear was that the surgery would be for nothing.  I am happy to say I sat out in the sun for over 2 hours on sunday to watch Tana cheer.  I got a sunburn, and my cheeks hurt from squinting, but I didn't get a migraine.   A few weeks ago I would have needed to go to the ER before the game even started.  That said, it was a steep price to pay.  Though Steve always said otherwise to friends and family, in private he admitted that he would like one more child.  One more try for a son, though we would have been thrilled with a third daughter.  Now we are stuck at 2.  Before, there was always hope, there was always possibility.  Now I have nothing.  People have said we could adopt.  We could, but I don't want to.  Maybe that's odd being an adopted child myself, but that is exactly why I don't want to adopt.  I know what I went through, how I felt about being adopted.  I just can't deal with that in another child.  For me the pregnancy and breastfeeding are so important to the bond I have with my children.  I don't know that I could feel that with a child I didn't carry and nurse...even if we used our genetics and a surrogate. (a very costly option i doubt we'd ever have the money for anyways)  I feel like less of a woman without my uterus.  I know I am forever saying goodbye to the period woes that have plagued me.  I should be happy for that, but I still grieve for the child I didn't have.  So much of my feminity was wrapped up in my ability to bear children.  I feel almost asexual.  Not sure if that will ever come back or I am left in this state forever.  I know many women have hysterectomies and never look back.  That is not the case for me.  At the time I felt like I had no choice, but could there have been a better way?